The Last Time

It still seems impossible that we have a third little one around. Looking back at our maternity photos still shocks the hell out of me. How did this happen? That's rhetorical, don't answer. A shock-and-awe glitch in the system is how it happened, but it was one of those meant-to-be glitches that changes your life forever and it was actually SUPPOSED to happen. I like to believe that I'm in better control of things, but life has this way of showing you up and taking the reigns back. Nu-uh girl, here's a ball out of left field. Haha. Just jokes. But really. 

Three babies in and this is the first time I've had photos taken. I've always just "gotten through" pregnancy because I'm not one of the fortunate ones. You know, the women who love it and think it's magical and all that. I'm not that kind. I dislike it immensely. That is not to say that I didn't soak it all in and appreciate the experience and the incredible thing my body could do. It's amazing how this world is populated. It's amazing that two people can make a human and it be some parts of each of them. I'm constantly blown away by creation. I'm also thankful, even though I loathe pregnancy, I'm thankful that I could carry this little baby, grow her, and painfully birth this little human of mine.

Our lives have changed so much because of her. I can hardly believe just how much. It makes me wonder how much longer these things would've taken to happen, had it not been for this surprise. The amazing thing is... well, that it's all just really so amazing. While I hurt all the time and my mood was that of Cruella Deville, my children were gracious and loving, just like their dad. Everyone just let me get through it and loved me regardless. The changes that happen because you have a baby are irrevocable and completely alter the flow of your world. It's truly something else.

I'm really glad that we took the time to document it all this time. I'll never experience it again and I'm not sad about that, but I know I'll look back and enjoy remembering how much this little girl changed our lives. Mostly, I want her and her brother and sister to know that even though pregnancy was really challenging for me, I loved them all fiercely. 

photos taken in collaboration with Chris Koch Photography, thanks so much Chris!