Friendships :: Day 373

When we grow up and leave behind our childhood friends (for those of us that don't stay near them), making new friends, especially as an adult, is so different. When we were kids, we decided whether or not we liked someone, and became their friend. That was it. Now it's a long drawn out process of worrying about what they think, how they view you, if they talk about you, what kind of person they are, etc.. It's a bit more complicated for women especially. Once I left the army, I quickly realized that I had no civilian friends. In fact, the first friend I made as a civilian, I am happy to say, is one of my best friends now. But it hasn't all been that easy.

Friendships, like any relationship, is give and take. I'm a giver. I love to be there for my friends and family, I'll do whatever I can when needed. But that isn't as natural to everyone I've learned. Some people just ask, ask, ask, and either don't realize they don't "give" in return or don't give a damn. I have a huge problem with this. For starters, it's takes the courage of David (from David and Goliath) for me to genuinely ask someone for help. I have far too much pride sometimes, and asking for help is something I do not do easily or enjoy. When I say "ask for help," I don't necessarily mean just needing someone to help me with something, but it extends to being there as well. For me, being there means EVERYTHING. Seriously, everything. That makes or breaks relationships and friendships for me.

I've had to learn, through the harder experiences with friends, that I need to not care as much when I feel hurt because of their lack of either being there, or their demanding needs without return. You can't change people. Simply cut your losses and move on. I am thankful to have friends there for me whenever I need them now, but it has taken me a bit to learn who that really is and isn't. I've also learned (finally) that when I am down and out, that my kids are my greatest strength, and the light of my life. When I allow myself to let go of what I can't control, and embrace what I can, life is really grand. I am so thankful for that.

With Jeremy a mere few days away from being home, I'm having to keep myself busy every moment. From working to playing with the kids, organizing the house, and late night baking. I'm covering all angles because my emotions are running high and crazy. He's coming home. After 15 months of combined training and deployment, he's coming home. I'm ready and I can't wait. I am so excited.