I knew that my feelings of these last few months of deployment would be particularly rough. I couldn't have been more right in fact. The stress of wedding planning finally reached an all time high when my fiance's sister-in-law bravely sent me a text message expressing her frustration from our wedding date change. She booked a vacation with her friends on the day, after we told her the original date, so she graciously changed her plans, then changed them a few more, settling on a summer trip a month or so ago. So I was a little taken aback after they received our save the date card and she basically informed me that any relationship between us is over and she will never be anything more than civil to me during family functions because I didn't discuss the date change with her previously, as well, she will not be attending our wedding. An honest overlook in the midst of things. I certainly didn't change the date because I wanted to, but of course, this all falls solely on me.
I was equally taken aback when Jeremy told me to see things from her shoes. Needless to say, a rough couple of days ensued right up to my outpatient surgery that will take me a few weeks to fully recover from. Add some of my family's drama to the mix and I'm ready to throw in the towel. I don't think I've ever felt quite so alone and upset as I do now. I'm ready to be done and get away for awhile.
Alyx has been feeling some of the stress and is getting a little rambunctious from being cooped up during the rain the past few weeks. Kate is her usual happy little self. I always feel particularly terrible when I know how I'm feeling affects my babies. It's hard to separate everything when I'm with them all the time, I tend to wear my heart on my sleeve as it is. I'm thankful for their strength and independence though, they're both so good for me when I truly need it. In the midst of everything, they manage to give me hope and lift my spirits when I feel so low. Such blessings.