It's during these moments with my little ones that I reflect the most. I think of every everything from the day, my influence on them as a mother, and what they will be like based on mine and Jeremy's influence. I imagine what they'll be like and pray they are the best of us, and then so much better. I fail daily, and I succeed. When they come to me for comfort, I find myself near heaven. When I see their excitement after being away, I feel like the greatest person alive. To know how forgiving they are when I am not my best. When I stumble and fall, they see me as perfectly as I ever could be. No one is deserving of such a love. Or maybe we all are. To give back that same love can prove so difficult while teaching daily life lessons to these growing ones, but is an aspiration I strive for.
I feel so blessed to have Jeremy, who loves me so completely - and these amazing kids. I don't know how I got so lucky. I was talking to my older brother the other day, about the life that led me here, he said, "I'm sure you have some regrets." I couldn't help but reply simply, "No." I wouldn't take back a single thing. I'm not proud of a lot of things, ashamed of some even and I would changed a lot. But had it not been for each and every one, I may not have joined the Army, and I may not have been stationed in Washington, and I may not have met Jeremy, and I may not have had these two wonderful little versions of me. Life wouldn't be worth living without those things. I know because I would've searched forever for a love like this. I would've searched for ever for someone to understand me like Jeremy does. I would've searched forever to be this content and happy. I would've searched forever to not settle.