Ain't No Sunshine :: Day 269

This month has been the most incredible. It was really hard saying goodbye today. 

For the first time, I saw him look back. Being strong is hard, and a slur of emotions comes along because we know we have to take care of our family, and yet, the sacrifice we make doesn't always seem worth it. But it is. I miss him indescribably already. One second he's here and filling our home with love and laughter, and the next, he's just gone. We leave together and I come back alone. For the first time after pulling away from the airport, Alyx cried. He usually stays tough for me, because I'm the one in tears. I did better this time, but the steady stream continued until I reached the highway and reminisced about the past three weeks together. Alyx and I held hands while he somberly stared out the window and the tears subsided.

I know this time will pass quickly though. Three months. 107 days to be exact. I remember being at this point until leave began, and here we are. Time flies by. When you're having fun and when you're waiting - even if the moments in between seem long. I get frustrated at how quickly time does go by. Sometimes I wonder if it's all worth it, because it's just going to be gone in the next instant. And then I remember this is life, and to live fully in each moment, get the best out of it, because honestly, what other good choice is there?

Keeping our spirits up and keeping a promise to take the kids wherever they want for lunch.

Kate's first time in the play place.. I had to get her out though - we took the slide down together :). 
*side note: play places are disgusting!

So happy Jeremy will be home this summer to see all of my gardening in bloom :). This is just the beginning!

While I think back on this month, I feel pangs of guilt where I wasn't the best for Jeremy. He understands my feelings more times than not, and I'm thankful for that. We don't fight, and have few arguments - the most we encounter is dealing with each other while having crummy moods. When you have borrowed time together, you have to make every bit of it count. I'm not one for wasting it, but I feel terrible about the times where I did, or when I may have snapped at him, or we stayed bitter for a few minutes too long.

Even as I was hugging and kissing him goodbye, it didn't seem real. Maybe because I didn't want it to be, but we'll both be busy on everything we put off for this month while he was home. We have a lot to work toward! 

I'm frustrated and sad, but blessed and thankful at the same time. As I pass by our bedroom and see the window open where he happily obliged to taking a few photos before we finished packing him up to leave... As I reheat the shepards pie we picked up from Suzie's shop after our day at Evan's Creek, that we also ate for breakfast so he could try it before he left... Looking at all the laundry we did in a rush and left in the living room so he had all his clothes to go through and pack... As I look through all the photos we've taken together... I can be frustrated with life at times, but reassured again and again how deeply in love I am and how much harder I want to work so that we don't have to go through this anymore.

I love you babe. See you soon.