Our winter break is coming to an end quickly. I went through moments wondering if things would go smoothly, fearing Alyx would get a little stir crazy bring at home with no school, recess, or friends. In reality, we've had a lot of fun. It's been a really mellow few weeks, no big adventures or anything. We had a wonderful Christmas and breezed through the New Year. We had some park fun, family time, and lots of movies and cuddles.
Along with so much time being close to my sweet little love bugs, I've had time to reflect on myself. Myself as a woman and a mother. Lately, I've come to realize how far away I've come from who I am, from all the things I love. I've made a mental list of my faults that need work. With those things, it means my children have been treated more like nuisances than children who I brought into the world. It wasn't their choice, it was mine. Being a single mom, and filling in for dad's role too, is one no one grows up learning or expecting. It's been one of the biggest challenges I've ever encountered.
What I've come to realize about my faults is that they're relatively simple, and only require self-discipline (It's safe to say I have pretty high expectations of myself). It all starts with the silliest of things that rule our generation and those ahead of me, social networks. Can you believe only 7 short years ago I had no clue about the social networking world on the Internet? Hahaa. Yeah, me neither. Spending less time online is number one, especially when I should be with my kids. Not just physically being with them, but mentally, emotionally, and as their mom.. The way a mom who is all they have should be. This next one is for me, but work. I make excuse after excuse to keep myself away from success, and I'm only hurting myself. I need to dedicate more time to network for work, not for other's drama. Lastly, I feel like I've done well as far as my relationship with Jeremy goes, but I know there is always room for improvement. That's something I'm personally working on. I can't think of any complaints, other than he's too far away.
So those are some things I plan on making my goals for this year. No resolutions, or unrealistic expectations of myself and family. Simply to better myself and not forget who I am, and who depends on me. All while truly living life. I don't always need big adventures (but certainly some), but to play with my kids at the park, to read bedtime stories, to not feel guilty for letting things go when it means I'm doing more for Alyx and Kate. It's easy to get caught up, but now it's time to slow back down, work hard, and remember to play!!
This was our day today. We had morning cuddles while not feeling well, then we managed to get out of the house and stopped for our free slices of bread from the Harvest Bread Co (delicious!!), before picking up a few things at Trader Joe's, and then stopping to play at the park. I went down the slide with Kate, played on the modern day monkey bars with Alyx, played soccer, and walked around the park. It was extraordinary. I can't tell you the last time I played on the playground, but there was no shame, my kids were so happy.
One more month...