Chris came over for dinner, and then we spent the evening talking. We jumped from topic to topic, but we usually settle on relationships past and present. Sometimes Chris says really stupid things, sometimes he gives very bad advice when it isn't needed, and sometimes he says some pretty good things. It got to a point in conversation where he was talking about how people change in relationships. He is adamant that he keeps his relationships separate from his friendships, unless there's a rare exception. He does this because he doesn't want to change because of the relationship he is in. It's not the first time he's mentioned that Jeremy changes so much when he's with a girl. In my mind, change is inevitable, of course you won't do the same things you did when single as you would with someone you're dating. You're probably a jerk if you don't adapt to a life with someone versus being single, and you probably don't have any lasting relationships (no offense, but like Chris). He always says this about Jeremy like it's a bad thing. He's upset that Jeremy doesn't go out with them anymore, that he doesn't do a lot without me, that they don't do whatever it was they did before we were together... From my stand point, that makes Jeremy a good man. Other people's opinions might vary.
During my pregnancy with Kate, Jeremy didn't drink, because I couldn't. I think he might have had two beers in six months, and went out with the guys once. I never asked him, it was never an issue I had, and I never told him he couldn't. He simply did it on his own free will. It meant the world to me. It said that he understands my immediate life changes, and although they won't affect him like they do me (until baby is born), he'll go through what he can, just to be there for me, because we're going through it, not just me. I mentioned this to Chris, and he basically said that was insane. After a while of going back and forth with this, he eventually told me there's no denying Jeremy's love for me. Even when I was deployed and our relationship was off and on, he would talk about me all the time, he would express feelings he had for me, things that Chris had never heard about any other girls Jeremy had dated while they knew each other.
It's reassuring to hear how much someone loves you, from someone else who knows that person well. Even though Chris isn't happy about how different Jeremy is now, I'm happy. I love Jeremy the way he is... The way he was, always has been, and whoever he'll be later on in our lives. Because no matter what changes occur, they'll always be with me, and they'll always be with the kids and I as his priorities. I know this without a shadow of a doubt. Jeremy's friends may not understand, but a lot of them don't have a relationship like we do. A lot of them might have thought we were crazy, that moving in together was crazy, that having a baby together was crazy; but five years later, we're still in love, we're happy, and we're faithfully waiting for one another, no matter how long it takes.
I know this subject could go so many ways, with so many views and opinions, but I honestly don't care. At the end of the day, Chris is nearing thirty with no successful or long term relationship behind him. He's a good guy, but you kind of learn why people are the way they are after awhile. If I was kept away from someone's life, while becoming apart of their life, a relationship would inevitably not work out. Jeremy and I have made a lot of mistakes in our past, together and separate. It's no secret. However, we've worked through every single one together, and today, our relationship is stronger than ever. We have more appreciation, love, respect, and trust in one another than any couple I've ever come across in my life.
Things have mellowed out at home so much. Most of it is probably my outlook on things currently, they're better than they have been in a long time - which also means my attitude and relationship with my kids has improved. Everything has been better. I've been looking at my busy schedule day to day, and not only making lists, but taking each item in stride and riding it out as necessary to get it done, without feeling stressed. It's been so great. Kate and I have our little routine of being at home while Alyx is in school and it's been fun to spend this time with her.
I'm so thankful for our life, our kids, and each other. The only thing more that I could or would ask for, is to have Jeremy home. We're getting there... one day closer.