Good and Bad :: Day 224

Things started out pretty great today. After getting to have a little alone time while the kids were at grandma's, I got to text with Jeremy a little bit. Then I had lunch with my bridesmaids, and it was so nice to get everyone together. It's helped me get through the days by not secluding myself and being anti-social. I'm thankful to have a great group of girls around me, and who are so helpful through everything we're going through right now, and of course, planning for the wedding! It helps alleviate stress to see them as excited as I feel, if not more at the moment!

Everywhere I went today, I saw couples walking hand in hand. I wondered if they realized what I would give to have that feeling. I thought of all my friends who went home to their husbands and boyfriends as we left lunch today, and I reveled in the idea of getting to do the same thing. I'm thankful they're counting down with me, and those who have more recently been involved in deployments, send me texts in excitement as we get closer to leave. My heart aches. I have my rough patches of feeling bitter and angry... And within moments I come to the realization that I'm thankful. I don't always want to be, but I am. My relationship with Jeremy is untouchable, we've been through the worst and been without each other the longest. While I envy those with their spouses every night, I find comfort in our strength, in our appreciation for one another, and for the love that's grown through everything. A love that for those who have never overcome hardships, could never quite feel like we do. 

As the day went on, the evening brought more stress as the kids go through their moments of pure delight and pure terror. With Kate being a picky eater and a bit messy, and Alyx having too much energy at times, I'm ready to throw in the towel. Kate and I ended up taking a nap together and woke up, not wanting to awake yet. We were both so thrown off by our unexpected few hours of sleep. Alyx watched a movie quietly, until he was like, "Mom, it's dark." Oops. 

After throwing together a quick dinner, Kate didn't eat much, and I found her digging through her little basket of snacks, which consists of granola bars and fruit leathers. I was dead set on her getting to her dinner, so she didn't get any. It's cute to watch her process and make decisions though.

Then we watched Pure Country and cuddled. By this point, my night was turned around and I felt so much better with my babies in each arm as I remembered Jeremy and I watching this movie together.

Alyx challenges me pretty regularly. It's expected as he's eight years old and all boy. I feel bad that I can't be more of what he needs while Jeremy is gone. He dreams of riding his dirt bike again. He wants to shoot his bow. I love his ambitions, and I admire his patience in holding off on what he wants most, because he understands how hard it is for us without Jeremy here. He's so unlike the boys I see in his classroom. I'm pretty sure his philosophy is 'play harder. play harder.' I would almost guarantee that will follow him the rest of his life too, I just need to teach him to throw the 'work' in there and he'll be set! I am constantly trying to fix the error of my ways when I find myself not taking the right methods of dealing with things for him when I'm at a loss of what to do. It's such a constant learning experience. I just pray that I don't mess up too badly in the mean time. Do most parents feel these ways?

 Alyx has been tracking the countdown with me. 25 days today. He's so excited. I asked him this morning how he felt about dad coming home soon. "I'm so excited!" I go through the usual nervous feelings, so I asked him if he felt that way at all. "No. Not really... Well, I don't want dad to play spank me. Maybe I won't run up to him when we see him. I'll just wait for him to come to me." Hahaa, what? I told him they aren't going to be rough housing right away at the airport. I laughed so hard.