Changes :: Day 219

Today was interesting to say the least. Over the weekend, after three friends attempted making plans with me, I quickly discovered I really need to step up wedding plans. Aaah, this stuff is not going to do itself (but whyyyyy?!!!). Then as my day began, my darling friend and I met up for our usual catching up, weekly at least now. I have to say, that it is so incredible to have good girl friends in my life again. All of my friends left with the military, and after a few failed attempts, I feel like I finally have a solid grasp again, it's a breath of fresh air, as well a blessing. I'm learning all kinds of girlie stuff ;)!!

Anyway, this friend and I went through what we thought would be a quick, cut and dry, erase possibilities kind of thing, to finding out she was pregnant. It was a tough one to grasp. To be honest, after she had me look at the test to tell her the results, I didn't even want to say it, because we were certain it was just girl stuff causing her to be feeling off. I mean, this girl knows her body to a science, there was no way, it's just not time for her yet... until I saw those two little lines that said the exact opposite. I was scared. I knew she would be. I delivered it as gentle and positively as I could, then stayed by her for a few hours until we talked through everything possible until she had to deliver the news to her boyfriend. That was the scary part, or painful as she put it. Having to wait for a reaction of something so big - not planned, or expected, or really even wanted yet. It's not easy for anyone to swallow.

As we talked and eased some of the initial shock, I reassured her as much as I could, and gave her every bit of knowledge I could for the time being. As we were going on, I relived all of my experiences over. Remembering the discovery, pregnancy, birth, and introduction into motherhood, times two. It's scary. I'm not one of those women that's like, 'Yeah, I love this stuff, I wanna be pregnant forever! Let's have four kids!" Dude... No thank you. I appreciate it, it's beautiful, and the outcome is incredible to say the VERY least, but I was scared from the first moment to the very last, and still today.

As I went through all of this with her, I thought so much about Jeremy. We got to text off and on, and I could relieve my feelings onto him, and he supported the whole situation. Then I realized, he hasn't even met her or her boyfriend yet and here he is, asking me questions, giving advice - being the great man I know he is. What a blessing that is. How I ever lived with out Jeremy, I will never know, but I'm so thankful I don't ever have to again!

Later this afternoon, when it hit me what the date was, I realized that today marks our fifth year anniversary! Five years since we first began falling in love! What?! Yeah, that happened. Here we are...

All I could do was text him 'Happy Anniversary babe.' Cheap. I felt cheated. I want more. I want our trip to Salish. I want to see him, hold him, kiss him. Tell him and show him how much I love him. He felt terrible that he's been so caught up, he forgot too. I'm not upset, not even a little bit. How could I be?! I can't even be upset at the deployment... at time. Nothing. I know having him is just around the corner, but our five year milestone... for those that know me, you understand how huge this is for me - for us. To make it these past five years. To be planning our wedding. Wow. I love him. And I'm so excited for all the years to come. I want them all, and then I want more. No less.

I'm doing a photo-a-day challenge for the entire year. The 365 project. I didn't have my camera on me all day, so as the evening drew nearer, I began to really think about it. I took a few photos here and there, wondering what the day meant to me. I looked at the photo of us on the beach. That was one of our favorite times, our milli-second. Then I found the one from our first Marine Corps Ball together nearly three years ago, in a frame I customized from my favorite verse ...Love is patient... If that doesn't say everything about us right now, nothing will, and nothing is truer.